MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
Mother’s Day isn’t getting any better for me as it keeps coming year after year. It’s even worse this year then ever before.
My brain keeps telling me that my maternal birth family is telling my mother that she is a good mother for saving them from me. They are telling her that she did a smart thing for getting rid of me. I don’t have that kind of support. No one can tell me that it was a good thing she got rid of me. Even if anyone was cold enough to say it, I wouldn’t believe them anyways. How could a person think it’s good to separate a baby from their mommy? If I had lost my mother during childbirth people would’ve been telling me over and over that she was a beautiful person and that they would be there for me through anything. As an adoptee there is none of that. And in my head I can hear them tell her that I’m crazy because of what I write here and that it’s the best thing ever to have nothing to do with me. She was smart to protect herself from me. No one wants to admit that it was the act of adoption that brought all of these uncontrollable feelings that I have. No one wants to admit that adoption hurt me and left a hole in my heart that may never be healed.
The sad truth about adoption is that the adoptee probably would’ve never have had the problems they do if they had never been got rid of. You’re foolish to think that an adoptee is happy that they were given away. If you take into account that adoption has to start with a babies first trauma being life changing then you can better understand how our brain works.
There have been many discussions that an adoptee can have a chance at a better, more ‘normal’ life if someone could get off their high horse and apologise to the adoptee for the trauma that adoption brought onto them. It was never the adoptees choice for this to happen, but apparently people feel like we are supposed to show gratitude for these decisions. Not one person has ever hugged me or sent me a sympathy card because I lost my mother.
This is not the time to tell an adoptee to ‘get over it’ either. The brain has suffered a trauma. There are many complexities to this and there still aren’t enough therapeutic treatments available.
I wonder how many people commit suicide this week.
My Best Friends
Scott Alan Warner
Angela Barra’s Medium
Adoptee Rights Australia
NPE and Me
The Invisible Threads