The Triad

Let's dissect these words pertaining to me and my Triad...

1. Focus on empathy. It would be nice to be able to do this but unfortunately as with most adoptees, we don't understand empathy. All we know is how to protect ourselves from the 'fight or flight's mode.
2. Look inward. This is also hard to do until we learn who we are. It's easier for a kept person to do this as they have people to mimic and recieve confirmation of themselves.
   
3. Communicate. Adoptees will not be able to communicate for fear of saying the wrong thing and making someone upset. It is not something the adoptee would ever want to do.
   
4. Choose Love. Apparently someone forgot how love happens. It should not be expected to be there just because someone 'gifted' their child to an adoptive family. Love is meant to grow through similarities and bonding like the fetus does for 9 months in the womb. The adoptive parents should not expect that the baby/child will instantly love them. Being grateful is not the same as love.
   
5. Lend your support. Now this is something the adoptee has always done for everyone. It's what made me excellent in my management position. And for that matter, every job I've ever had. It's also what wore me out and almost killed me.
   

So in conclusion, it's nice to see someone think they know what will work. It's just not possible until the adoptee can fix themselves from the trauma that they experienced. It would also help if people could acknowledge that the adoptee has struggles that are different than 'normal' people. We have a long journey to endure especially if we realize later in life why we are the way we are. It is also harder to take care of ourselves if we are rejected again from the very person that we had love for...our first love...our mother.

This is not a 'Blame Game'. This is our adopted life. No one should be allowed to judge any of us in the Triad. It is only for us to make it better for each other. There is no one that knows us better than us. At the end of the day, we are the only ones that can fix each other.