Suffering succotash

I realized early this morning that my children suffer right along with me on this gratefulness of adoption. I have always had a hard time bonding with them...and everyone for that matter. But it’s sad that I still can’t hug them even after I found my birth family. It makes me wonder if it’s because I was once again rejected by my birth mother, my brothers, my sisters, and my aunts and uncles. I hope that one day it will all be ok and I can let them into my bubble. It was fine when they were newborns and toddlers but then it just hit me that they didn’t need me anymore...I guess that’s the key...the fact that my birth family didn’t need me either...not sure if I will ever get the closer for that nightmare but I sure hope so. It seems like that’s where it all began...the beginning of my end.