MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
Reasons Why Reunions Fail
1. Keeping secrets. Lack of transparency. People are not “secrets”, they are people with feelings – it disrespects and degrades someone to keep them as a secret.
2. Pushing too hard/not allowing space and time for reflection and processing of new information.
3. Not having an understanding of the Stages of Reunion so they can be identified and discussed throughout the process.
4. Telling lies about the past. Honesty and transparency is the best policy. There have been enough secrets and lies – more of them perpetuate the pain and can cause new hurts.
5. Being insensitive. Tread softly, go slow, go gently.
6. Being selfish – wanting the outcome YOU want without considering the outcome the other party may desire.
7. Not understanding the experiences of the other. Educate yourself on the position of the other by reading the Origins website, and/or consulting adoption resources such as books, blogs, papers, etc.
8. Lack of respect for current ongoing relationships and bonds on both sides.
9. Not liking what you found out, or the person you found.
10. One of the parties backing off because of “information overload”.
11. Involving adoptive parents in reunions
12. Conflicts between Adoptive Parents and Natural Families.
13. Parties are too traumatized to have a healthy reunion.