MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
Yes, I am sensitive, most adoptees are. When we were reliquished our brain went into overdrive and we end up feeling everything. It is almost too much to handle when someone points this out. I wish more people were educated about the way the brain is affected and acknowledge the trauma that we endure all of our life. It is a horrible way to live and everyday I strive to think of positive things.
I have nothing good to say about adoptees that attack adoptees for their opinion. I feel that everyone has a right to say their opinion but to have someone that disagrees with you should never talk to you as though you are wrong for the way you feel. To have someone go after you is the worst thing and then call in their troops to back them up.
The pain that an adoptee goes through especially if they were rejected by their birth family twice in their life and then have an adoptee reject their feelings is insurmountable. I can get over the adoptee anger because I feel their pain, I have no coping skills for having my birth family rejecting me. All that I can hope is that this type of anger is talked about and never repeated.
The harm that a group of people can do to an adoptee is pure pain that causes an overwhelming amount of depression. Only someone that has had this done to them can understand.
I know this will piss some people off, but I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. I am not an agry adoptee, I am an emphatic.
I believe in education and I believe in hearing all sides of a story. I realize that there are reasons for adoptees to be pissed about adoption, but I don't believe that just because you are adopted gives you the right to hate your birth mother. If you can’t listen and be open minded about something, you really don’t have the right to judge all birth parents as the same.
“When adoptees hate their birth mothers, you have allowed adoption to win in your life.”
It’s amazing how these few words say it all. Why do we feel the need to carry so much anger towards the birth parents? If anything, there should be more anger directed at the system and the adoptive family’s They really are the in between that guided this whole catastrophe to occur. Don’t get me wrong, if the birth mother didn’t end up pregnant there wouldn’t have been an adoption taking place. But, it was the lack of guidance that was misplaced. When you take a young girl who has no legal rights to her own body she doesn’t get to make the decision to give her baby away or keep her baby. That is her parents decision. So when someone goes off about how it's the birth mother that needs to be held accountable for these 'choices' that were made for her, I feel like something should be said. The adoptees that freak out on birth mother's for this situation and calling them out for commenting about the pain and regrets they have do not give anyone the right to harrass anyone. The birth parents doesn't always say that 'its all about them'. Sometimes they actually do worry for their child. Who really has the knowledge to say they don’t?
Something that comes up on social media is the anger that some adoptees have for birth parents. Sometimes it is warranted but for some reason some adoptees don’t have a compassionate bone in their body. They instantly attack and can’t be open in their way of thinking about the birth mothers situation. They feel that the birth mother has no place in the world to speak. I feel like that’s silencing at its best. Something that the adoptee almost always has had to live with.
If anyone thinks it’s ok to play the game of ‘an eye for an eye’ then you really have no desire to go forward and be better.
I’m posting this video everywhere possible. Dr. Peter Lin has such a calming demeanour that I’m hoping people listen to him.
Why do angry people exist? Are they stuck and just scared to move into a feeling they’ve never experienced, or is it because they are happy in certain situations but they choose to portray themselves as angry for attention. I’ve noticed that angry people do get more recognition than happy or even content people. I prefer acknowledging the half and half people, the ones that say sorry for their poor behaviour, the ones that try to boost someone else’s spirits when they themselves are struggling. I am finally at the point in my life where I feel ‘half and half’.
For 50 years I was one of those ‘happy’ type people but that just got me into health troubles. I watched my adoptive father be one of those ‘angry’ people and he died alone and in pain. That’s not what I want for myself and it really isn’t something I would wish on anyone.
My adoptive mother would make excuses all of the time for my adoptive father’s anger and at the time that I lived with them I always took it quite personal. I felt as though anything I did was wrong and I couldn’t make him proud of me no matter what. After I would retreat into my shell she would come and say that he loved me and thought I was selling myself too short. He thought I was better than what I was showing. It was a struggle for me to think that I had no baseline to go off of, so how could anyone know how good I was at something?
And now I am back to the question of why...
A couple of words that have been thrown around recently are Narcissism and Gaslighting. I see a lot of adoptees using these words as a form of trying to make someone back off. It’s used as a bully tactic to throw someone off for something they say and it’s hard to explain to someone that they aren’t using the words in the right context. They would never listen anyways. So instead of trying to educate someone who refuses education, I know I will spend my time with someone who is open to education.
The worst part of all of this...adoptees are attacking adoptees instead of making our voices sound smart and caring, it’s showing us as unhinged. How do you think that affects our adoptee community? Maybe some things need to stop and maybe we should just walk away from an angry adoptee. Interacting with that type of person will only minimize what we should all be agreeing on. I do recognize that I have behaved poorly in the last few months with regards to going after a few adopters and a few adoptees. I felt at the time I was standing up for myself but now I see how I really came off. I can’t make it go away but I can go forward. I refuse to be stuck in that behaviour. I am better than what I’ve been.
It’s a good sign that the brain never stops...
If someone goes around and lashes out to an adoptive parent, a birth parent, the kept or about them, then how do you get educated people to join you in making changes to the adoption industry. Hate to point out the obvious but there are more adoptive parents, birth parents and kept than there are adoptees. Statistically speaking we need them more than you want to admit. If you keep pissing them off they won’t want to have anything to do with you, or what you are trying to bring awareness to.
I know this will piss off a shit ton of people but how many angry radicals do you see get what they say they are fighting for. Educate not annihilate...it’s a pretty simple and logical way of thinking...
And before you go off about how I’m one of ‘those’ happy adoptees...read my story...
My Adoptive Parents belonged to a cult, they participated for 35 years. My mother wanted to be a Scientologist but she couldn’t afford it. I was fortunate that they waited to join until I left home at 16. I watched from the outside and refused their desire for me to join. My husband was watching and being my supportive partner. He has been put through a lot with me but he’s still here. I think it’s his strong genetic makeup. It truly does run in his family to stay together through thick and thin. In fact there weren’t any adoption stories in their family, they just dealt with whatever was thrown at them.
Having had to educate myself for fear they would pull my children in, I learned a lot of telltale signs of cult culture. There is a huge amount of this following mentality on Twitter and it troubles me. I am happy as hell that my children used their brains and kept the cult like people out of their lives.
My Best Friends
Scott Alan Warner
Angela Barra’s Medium
Adoptee Rights Australia
NPE and Me
The Invisible Threads