i have an impossible dream..I want a picture of my mother and I standing side by side...I want to be able to see if there are any similarities. I know it's an impossible dream but I'm allowed to dream a Little dream. After all, it's my dream and if I can't have a dream, what have I got?

i am seriously waiting for someone to tell me to stop posting stuff on 'the family's' page. As well as to tell me to stop interacting with them. I will not stop... They deserve the right to get to know me...I am worth it...if they don't want to, they know how to ignore me. Although I have to say, I really am worth knowing!

I'm pretty sure even I can cook this and not mess it up.

i have read so many news articles this last couple of days that my eyes actually ache, but it was for a good cause. All of the clippings will be going in my book.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that Adoptee's don't like secrets. Most of us grew up keeping the biggest secret imaginable. Ourselves.

It's hard on some of us that have children to tell them that we don't know our family ancestors story because we were chosen to be raised by strangers. It's hard to tell them not to keep secrets and then have to live with the fact that we are a secret.

Reading a tweet this morning gave me an out of this world idea. Why can't I text my birth mother? It really would mean the world to me. It's just one way for myself to feel the healing begin... And possibly for her as well. I can understand meeting in person... That's too personal for her... Especially since I'm supposed to be a secret. If she were to text me no one needs to know. I can stay a secret from everyone that way.

i regularly think about "what if" I contact her...and I read something like this. It's like a slap in the face alright... I'm sure many adoptees go through this...it's not fair.

And now I shall go back to crying...I wish people could see how much it hurts an adoptee to be rejected multiple times.

i believe this Grief... It is exactly what a lot of Adoptee's talk about...and yet we are not allowed to talk of it.

I have 3 grandsons in my house today and they are watching Paw Patrol while I'm reading. It's nice having them here but it's also nice to have peace and quiet...hence the babysitting TV

Sometimes I read something that makes so much sense that I feel it in my heart. It is something that should be taught to adoptive parents so that they know what it means and how to deal with it.

I finally realize why I get confused about the feelings I have when I just want to be like other people and have love in my life. It hurts to open up to someone...even my children. I had a chat with one of the daughters the other day and I completely broke down... In front of her, not something I've ever done. My children have never known the real me... In fact neither has my husband. It's like I'm being reborn with all this new insight I have on the triad. If it weren't for all of the reading I've been doing I don't think I would be here today.