Need a break

I don't normally participate on twitter much since I still have so much pain to do with my upbringing, adoption and rejection. It brings up memories that hurt.

I never thought about how narcissistic my Adoptive parents' were until recently. I remember wanting out so bad that I ended up staying at a foster home as much as possible. It was easy to do since I was friends with her daughter. If I wasn't there I was Sleeping under a bridge, in a park or in some random guys bed. I begged the Adoptive parents to let me live in the foster home. They said there was no way that they would sign papers to allow me to move out. They obviously thought that they owned me and they wouldn't want anyone to know that they failed as parents.

This was my childhood. As an adult I am able to look back and see all that is wrong with adoption.

As much as this may sound wrong to some people and how ungrateful they think I am being I am glad that my adoptors are deceased. It gives me the right to not have to pretend anymore that I am the daughter that they wanted to mold into their wants, desires and expectations. It was hard on me and my children because in reality we were nothing like them. In fact I was more of a disappointment to them than they were to me in my childhood. I only had them to look up to. I was grateful that they were going to take in a bastard child. A child that wasn't wanted by their own flesh and blood. Proving that blood isn't thicker than water.