Morning Feed

As I was reading my morning feed I came across one that struck me as very similar to my story. When my Adoptive mother died I was at work, I received a call that she had died at home while she was on the phone and my Adoptive father was gone somewhere. I said thank you for the call to their biological son and then sat and had a moment of tears. 9 years later I realize that the tears were actually tears of relief that part of my painful past was on its way out...

I know this seems cold but now that the Adoptive Father is also gone I feel a lot more relief than grief. I know I will never hear from anyone when their biological son passes but just the simple fact that the estate is finalized will help immensely.

This is truly a horrible way to live and I wonder if any kept child goes through this. I'm sure the ones that suffered abuse react the same but what about the adoptee that never suffered abuse growing up...do they feel a sense of relief that they can finally search for their roots. I know I never wanted to openly search for my birth family while the Adopters were alive. I was scared about how they would feel...not thinking of myself and my unanswered questions that I had all of my life.

I feel like the Adoptee's brain is always full of so many more questions than the kept child...I can't see how anyone could doubt this reality we live. Even the Adoptee that grew up in the perfect family must have some questions that they would like answers to. The health question is usually the biggest one. Our brain is really overloaded with these problematic things. It's frustrating that we are not allowed to know the answers. Even when we ask we are usually lied to or rejected our right to know the answers to our past life story.