First Mom

I can really never read enough to better understand myself and the world I find myself living in.

Tonight I learned that some psychiatrist's actually use the term 'First Mom'. I never thought to do this, I've always thought I was supposed to call her my Birth Mom. The girl writing about this made me realize that the reason we call our 'First Mom's' 'Birth Moms' is because it sounds colder. She really is our 'First Mom'.

My half sister made it perfectly clear to me that I was not to think of 'her' mom as my family... But now when I look at it and think about it, she can't stop the way I talk...she is 'my' First Mom...just as she is 'her' first mom...

In the back of my mind I am terrified that I have pissed someone off so much that they try to sue me for ruining their Life...it really is a thing...the Adoptees are always afraid that they have pissed someone off. It has been our job since birth to not ruffle the feathers of people that say they care about you, can you imagine what goes through our brains when we are dealing with people that have already got rid of us...it's excruciating to feel these feelings...

I now feel that I don't ever want to cross paths with my 'first' family. I don't think I could handle the third bout of rejection...