I finally replied to the unknown number on my cell... Turns out it was a cousin that I exchanged numbers with awhile back... We ended up chatting for an hour and a half...loved it! Made me feel pretty special that someone in the family wanted to talk to me...

I have finally got my senses about me...I finally realize that my First Mother and my Aunt's, my Uncle's and my Brother's and Sisters think I want them to take the role of Family members... It's not what I want. I want to be able to sit down and have a mature Adult conversation with them... About who I am and about who they are. About where I come from...about our similarities. About my Grandparents...

I don't feel that that is too much to ask for...I feel like I deserve it...I feel like I am better than being treated like I am a criminal and that I should be punished for being born...I don't think there are very many kept children that feel like a lot of Adoptee's do. We are prisoners of our non stop negative thinking brain. We don't really need our first family to add to our trauma but unfortunately some of us do have this happen.

Pictures are important to all individuals of the Triad... It's too bad some people don't think this...

This was so painful to read...I wonder how many First Mother's go through this...

I read tweets everyday and I get more insight into who I am and what I want out of life..I want to connect with my Aunt... The one that I think can shed more light on my health concerns...the one that knows it all... The one that seems curious about me. I think she should reach out to me while I'm still medicated. I think it would ease her mind... Thankfully I am more in control of myself than I ever have been... And I believe that I am worth getting to know... Not just from my blog... But in real life. I'm not sure what's holding her back... Maybe she's scared of who I once was... Scared of the person that started this blog. I can honestly say because of this blog I have been able to get a better grip on who i was supposed to be...I am the closest I have ever been to being me.

Having my Adoptive father pass on has brought more insight into who I truly am as well. I now understand what fantasy they lived in. They never understood me... They never tried to understand me... They never attached with my children... My children noticed... They were hurt. I cry for the pain my babies had to endure. All we can do is show them that we unconditionally love them... Just us though. Hopefully they can learn to love each other unconditionally... And hopefully one day they will have a significant other that they can feel that love with too. So far no luck on that hope.

My favourite part of my family research is when I learn new things that make me feel like I belong...

Awhile ago I had a gentleman from Regina inquiring about 'my' grandfather...I passed the message along but I don't know if it ever got through the channels...I hope so, I wouldn't want his history to not be documented like my life.

Obviously BCIT is a fantastic school...I just learned that I had an Uncle attend...back in 1967!

These are not my words but they sure do speak volumes...

Borrowed from a group I follow.