MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
When I read this pic I immediately seen myself...I believe this is exactly how I reacted when I learned who my first family was and they weren't there for me with loving open arms. I feel horrible for everything I said and did and I know i don't deserve forgiveness for acting this way. I feel as though I do need to forgive myself and move on though. With or without them.
🎶🎶 I forgive myself for loving you 🎶🎶.
The question today on one of the group's that I follow...
I never thought about it but it would've been nice to hear her voice...Crazy how the small things kept children just take for granted. Even if I had a taped message like one adoptee got to experience because she phoned her birth mother's voice mail. I wish I had the guts to try that out.
A few Christmas's ago I bought some Red Christmas ornaments that you could record your Christmas message on. Then last year I bought a book to give to my grandchildren that I could read them the story in my own voice. I know it sounds minuscule but for me it has become important. I want them to grow up knowing that I cared about them. I don't want them to feel all alone like I have. No one should ever feel alone.
how is one supposed to react when they know that their birth family is reading their blog... Are they supposed to sugar coat their posts or should they just keep on keeping on?
I know I am sometimes harsh and can be short with my emotions. But I feel like it's my turn to be allowed to write down my journey.
I do read what I write and then I read it before I hit the post button. I believe if I shut my mouth things will never change. Someone needs to keep letting the world know that some of us adoptees struggled all through our lives. I can't speak for all of us, but I know there were alot of us...
Recently I got to thinking about what my life could've been... Not that I have the worst life... But I really wanted to know if I had been encouraged in a different way where I would be. Would I still be married to the same guy, would I have had 6 kids, would I have a career... And then, what career would it have been?
I wish I would've been given a heads up earlier on that I would be going through these experiences that nobody talks about. I feel like I was shorted I think alot about how I am grateful for what was given to me, but then I feel like I failed and let everyone down. I don't see the success that my therapist has talked about. The success of asking for help when I needed it the most. Im not sure what other success I could ever have. I appear to have no dreams...I guess one could say that I am successful at playing the role of your typical adoptee... The lies we tell ourselves and others just so we don't hurt anyone's feelings.