Are You My Mother?

I don’t have a mother, in fact I never actually have had one. Someone gave birth to me, but she’s not my mother. Someone took me in when I wasn’t wanted but she wasn’t my mother either. The paperwork that I was given says that they were both my mother. I don’t feel like that should prove to me that I had a mother, but people keep trying to argue with me that it does.

i am a mother. My daughter is a mother. My mother in law is a mother. I’ve seen enough now to know what a mother is.

I do not have a mother. In fact, some days I don’t feel like a mother. I never had a mother to show me how to be a mother. I watch my daughter and my mother in law and I see so many things that they do that I never even attempted. I love my children but I missed out on giving them the mother that I never had.

I was talking with one of my adoptive cousins the other day and the conversation went to her mother and our grandparents. I spent the most time with our grandparents growing up and she wanted to know if they were as awful as her mother and my adoptive father. She thought that our grandfather was the cold one, I had to tell her it was our grandmother.

Mothers Day is a hard one for a lot of adoptees. Birthdays are as well. It really shouldn’t be hard for anyone to understand but it seems to be. I know every year I try to see the positive side to these days but there will always be a hole. I don’t have a Mother.

​As I’ve been getting older and have more free time to think, I have more memories coming to light. One of them has been that I would look at women as a child and wonder if she was my mother. Sad how a child has to do this.