MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
Tiday is not a day that any parent wants to go through. The loss of a child is devastating. I don't understand how anyone can survive through something as traumatizing as the loss of your flesh and blood. I am grateful I have my husband by my side but I really could've used more support than what was available to me. I find it unnerving to cry in public.
It's interesting to note that the adoptee and the Birth Famiky usually have a commonality, to look for each other. The adoptive parents almost never do this.
And the ties that bind...my Adoption Father has a sister that he disowned about the time I was 5. He thought she was spoiled rotten because she was a girl and the baby of the family. He would also say that they were nothing alike. My adoptive mother would tell me in secret that they were both spoiled and that they were exactly alike.
I post one funny that has a couple of names to do with the US politics, which I never do for fear of pissing off the wrong people and of course she reads it and comments...
The story of my life and just one more thing that makes me who I am.
I have to say,. I don't know a lot of people that put babies up for adoption, but I would love to be able to actually talk to one. It seems as though they are still too ashamed to talk out loud. It's sad that this is their reality. I wish more Birth Mothers would talk to and educate the new batch of birth parents that want to place their babies up for adoption. Having read the book "The Girls Who Went Away" I can say it gave me a taste of what they went through. It's painful to think that the Birth Mothers just think they can forget about it and Move on because that's what they were told. What a sham to think they will get over the shame and stigma. Just by telling them to keep quiet about it should be harmful enough that they will have to suffer all of their life.
It makes me sad to think that the Birth Mother is the one that should get the most condolences and sympathy. She is the one that has had to endure so much more than people could ever understand. Especially if this baby is the conception of rape. And then she has to place this child over to the unknown. And the finality of being told to forget about it...if you forget about it, it won't bother you. What if the adoptee searches her out and causes her more pain, especially if she had buried the Grief deep down. The pain for the Birth Mother is incomprehensible.
I've been stewing over this thought all day. My adoptive parents could never say that I acted like someone in the family, or even looked like anyone in the family. Just this morning I was watching the grandbabies and commented to my husband that Mater was just like his Uncle. Which is when it dawned on me that my Adoptive family couldn't say that about me...but they could with my Adoptive parents' biological son.
Just one more Triad realization that the kept won't have to go through.
I can finally understand forgiveness better than ever before. I still have a hard time forgiving the one person that hurt me so much and changed my whole outlook on society. This one person use to consume my mind with pain and questions of 'why me?'. I have shared these troubles with multiple people and have received understanding in my reservation to forgive him. I have come to the conclusion that I really don't need to forgive him and his parents as they aren't worth a second thought. I need not waste anymore time on them. They didn't think I was worth anything so I can treat them the way they treated me. All I have left is my commitment to finish the job that was put before me.