MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
As the first day of November starts so does the first day of Adoption Awareness Month...For many years adoptees were not heard. The Birth parents are still not heard. The Birth Parents will usually carry their shame to the grave. It’s sad that society will not give them the shoulder to cry on, instead they let them live with the anger that they have carried as a coping skill.
I shall try to share an article a day to raise awareness of the Triad in the hopes that we are all heard so the healing can begin.
I’m curious how many people think that the adoptee is mad at their birth parents. I can’t imagine ever being mad at them. I was disappointed with the second rejection but never mad. I was confused as to why I was to stop wanting to have acknowledgement from my Aunts, Uncles, Brothers and Sisters, but not mad...I was sad that I wasn’t good enough, but not mad. I can honestly say that I know of no adoptee that is mad at their birth family. We don’t have any rights, we lost our rights to feelings when we were placed into a strangers home.
some people may think I’m toxic...it feels like they may have more of a problem with me speaking out loud for the adoptees to have their voices heard. I realize we all have different experiences and reality’s but at the end of the day we are people that want to be able to be ourselves. It’s hard to know what and who you are when your whole life you had to pretend to be a part of a family that were strangers.
So yes we may come across as toxic, but of course it’s because we are on a journey to learn who we are. And sometimes it’s not pretty...it does take time but we really are still the individual who will ignore our needs to please someone that’s not blood related.
The biggest thing I miss about my job isn’t the managing (bossy) part...it’s the customers and coworkers. At least I still see them all around town and I’m friends with them on social media. Some even have my cell number. Being manager was the best job I’ve ever had and at least my customers and coworkers seemed to like me.
Retirement has sure given me time to better myself, and now deal with my father’s Estate. Probate is going smoothly now, and the funny of the day is that the Judges last name is the same name as what my Mother, Father and Brother changed theirs from. Apparently the last name wasn’t good enough to be anyone...jokes on them.
As we get older we hope that we learn from our history...we try to be better parents than what we had...hoping that our children will also learn from our mistakes...one thing that I was taught from my Adoptive mother was that "hate" was too strong of a word to use on anything or anyone. It's the one thing that I can pass onto my children that I feel good about.
Hatred can kill...
I literally freak out a little everytime I have to go to the Doctor's. They always seem to think they can ask what my family history is to cut down on time and tests...little do they know I have none so they get to test me for everything...which they won't. It doesn't bother them...in fact it doesn't bother me...All that I have been told is that their is RA on my birth Father's side. I was told that their were no health issues on the birth mother's side other than my grandfather having heart problems which probably stemmed from his smoking.
My birth mother has 2 cousins that have had cancer but that's because I met them at the family reunion. So I can assume cancer is not something that I need to worry about...which also means my children and husband can probably expect to see me for a long time...(poor bastards).