MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
I can't believe that Facebook is out to hurt me...but it appears to be happening...
As an Adoptee it feels like a stab in the back to read something like this...I can't imagine having my first mother's love...let alone my second mother. If there was any love it wasn't obvious...one abandoned me and the other kept secrets from me...I don't understand this unconditional love that the kept get to live with...I even have a hard time loving my own children this way...the experts weren't kidding when they said that Adoptee's have attachment disorders. I'm living proof...
A lot of kept children have had to go through the whole "children are to be seen but not heard." Adoptee's get to live their whole life living with "Adoptees are to be seen but not heard.". Who in the hell thinks that Adoptee's don't have attachment problems? Heaven forbid if we aren't grateful...we are grateful but resentful at the same time. We get to grieve in private. We aren't allowed to be sad...we bury our pain until our body decides to shut down then we have to fix ourselves alone and in secret.
But alas they have blocked me, at least I have the ones on my first father's side.
I would really love some kind of relationship with my first Mother's side... They hold the key to my mirror. If only they knew how hurt I really am... But they choose to think everything is fine because they have forced me out of their lives...fine for them...I'm not even expecting to have anything to do with my first mother. I just want to see and hear who they are and who I could've been if I had had some belonging.
Adoption is a hard journey to have to go through.
Sometimes you come across a post that makes you write a post...
Some people will say that this is no different than giving birth to a child that they won't know first. The problem with that way of thinking is that you really do know that child... You carried it for 9 months and bonded with every little kick and hiccup that they put you through. They bonded with you...they heard your voice...they shared your blood...your nourishment... No doubt in my mind that the 2 of you knew everything about each other. An Adoptee can't have that.
I feel like my Adoptive parents' would relate to having been given whatever baby came to them in the lineup. I was not their choice, I was the one that was next in line to be handed over to them. I sure wasn't the best fit...I was so different from them than what they expected me to be. As I look back at my childhood (as best as I can) I see no similarities with this family that the government thought would be mine.
So sad that this practice of adoption is still taking place in our society. You would think that someone could hear us, the Adoptee's that are loud about expressing our story. Our stories should matter...we have had to live, and survive them first hand. There is no one on this planet that can understand adoption better than an Adoptee...NO ONE!!!
Everytime I hear a kept individual say "I went through that too"...it hurts to try to explain to them that us Adoptee's have to go through it doubly. Once with the Adoptive family and once with the first family. So when it's something negative it's like twice as much pain. The kept can never hold claim to that ache.
You can always trust that my adoptive family just don't get it and they never will...
I posted this picture on Facebook and of course an adoptive relative had to put their 2 cents in...
"What a bunch of bs. You forgot to mention that there are whole generations that have never worked and yet receive all the benefits that are provided by the workers. Maybe talk to some of these people and let them tell you of how pissed off with these lazy asses they are. They are sick and tired of the freeloaders just like the Canadian workers are."
One more reason to not adopt out of your Ancestry...I always knew I didn't fit into the German lifestyle.