MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
So, I just finished reading a story on “Dear Adoption”, and holy smokes it was perfectly said.
Everyone always says we, as adoptees are gifts. I’ve had this discussion with my therapist as I don’t know if she really understood what I was saying.
“While it’s true much of my life as an adopted person has included many wonderful gifts, it’s problematic how being adopted can make one feel they are a gift. Gifts make people happy and because I was the gift, happiness became my responsibility in life.”
I just finished reading a story about a woman that just met her biological family. She took her daughter to meet the grandparents and she was practically overwhelmed with how they were with her. The great grandfather played on the keyboard with her and her great grandmother read books with her.
How is it that no one ever thinks of what the extended biological family will miss out on when they put a child up for adoption?
Everyday I learn something new, and yesterday was no exception. One of my BMother’s cousins that I connected with through DNA informed me that she has 2 more people in her family that are adoptees that are looking for their Birth Families. One on her Father’s side and one from her Mother’s side. I’m pretty sure I know which one she’s talking about on her Father’s side because I as well have an adoptee searching for answers.
It seems that the Danroth side has some secrets that they don’t want out of the closet. This women is 83 years old and she wasn’t officially adopted. She was raised by another family that has no genetic connection to her. She has children that have no idea who their Grandparents are. They have no roots to go on other than the Danroth (possibly Arneson) side. We have no idea what parent is from our side. Other than someone understanding the DNA strings better. One day maybe I will be better schooled in DNA.
When I think about my conception and my birth mother’s ability to get married within 1 year after I was born and also give birth to my half brother 1 year and 9 months later it brings on all kinds of confusion for me.
After she has 5 more children (total of 6 including me) she is still sporting her married name from the first man she married. If he was such a horrible person that my half sister wants nothing to do with him and she doesn’t want him to find them maybe someone should’ve changed their name.
It feels like I know where my mental state comes from.
I’m officially helping my adoptive Parents Biological son put my husband into bankruptcy.
When my father died his son was in a hurry to get him cremated and get certain services disconnected. He applied for the Death benefits and received the refunds for the car insurance, items he sold, and anything pertaining to the non essential services he had disconnected. He was in a hurry to sell the property’s that my father had, at the beginning. Now that he has taken 6 months to finish submitting the Estate Information Sheet and let my husband spend $20000 to get the property up for sale we are so close to bankruptcy it isn’t even funny.
The Lawyers office still has to finish preparing the paperwork for the Grant of Probate and then we have to rely on my ‘brother’ to sign that paperwork. It’s not looking good for us.
I have to keep bugging the Bank as to where my beneficiary money is. I keep hearing that I shouldn’t have to beg for it but at this point I will have to go to a loan shark just to keep the power on in my home.
If I hadn’t made my husband drive me the 1000 Km. every weekend for the first 4 months to clean out my father’s hoarding we wouldn’t be in trouble.
12 pictures from 12 months ago...I’ve learned so much in that years time...some good, some bad. Most good. It was my very first ‘Family’ Reunion and I still didn’t know where I fit in. One month later I received my Original Birth Certificate. That’s when I had the final proof...even though everyone at the reunion seemed to know who I was.
I can’t count how many times I was told in this last year that I wasn’t allowed to see pictures of my birth family, let alone post them publicly. It’s funny though that the same people that said this to me were their own worst enemy. Where do they think I acquired the pictures?
The stories and pictures that I share here are from my Grandfathers writing in a book that can be viewed in the Library. If he really wanted there to be privacy as much as my birth mother does he never would’ve submitted his Family’s history.
I’m at a point in my Adult life that realizes that there is no more room for secrecy. I was good enough to be carried full term and born so I would say that I should be good enough to come out. If they feel they need to hide from me it’s on them, not me.
Who has the right to tell the adoptee that they are not deserving enough to know their heritage? How does anyone think that it is ok to allow anyone to live with what feels like amnesia? The trauma of it all is almost crippling to some. I find it crippling and my health is suffering everyday I wake up. Basically I have been told to go away and stay away from ‘the’ family. They are not ‘my’ family. I have no family to speak of except distant relatives that ‘the’ family says were horrible unkind people.