MARY LORRAINE DANROTH
What is it about people thinking that it is best for my well being to tell me to forget about my Birth mother, my half brothers, my half sisters and my Aunts and Uncles? How do you think you would feel if someone told you to do this?
It hurts doesn't it? Then don't tell an adoptee to live like this.
An older terminally ill friend of mine reposted this...I didn't have the heart to tell her that this isn't how all Adoptee's feel. In fact it doesn't even say that these children feel the same way. It doesn't say that they feel the love that is put onto them. I don't want to school her this close to her death. I want her to have some happy moments before she goes. I will miss her...
One of the best subscriptions I have ever subscribed to is Newspapers.com
My beliefs are strong...and most of them have been good to me. Unfortunately my belief that my birth mother wanted to know me was wrong. I hurt myself for believing that fantasy for so long. I am slowly recovering from the rejection. It may take me the rest of my lifetime but at least I know the truth and I can move forward.
At least I took that challenge.
i discussed EMDR today with my psychiatrist today and he felt that I would benefit from it. Now all I have to do is find the right one...
My visits with my psychiatrist always get me to read and investigate anything and everything about the triad. Tonight was no exception. Tonight I learned about Moral Injury. And tonight I felt the need more than ever that I want someone to help 'my' mother. I don't think anyone knows more about adoption than the adoptee or the birth mother. Even people that think they know something because they know someone means jack shit.
Sometimes I wonder about my grandchildren missing out on having the knowledge and stories of my Birth mother and her brothers and sisters. I wish that I could share my stories with my aunts and uncles, but unfortunately I am under the impression that I am not good enough to know their stories.
It hurts my heart...
So yesterday while we were in Lethbridge I had a lady come up to me and tell me that I was the spitting image of her sister in law. Then she proceeded to tell me that she knew I couldn't be a relative of hers because she lives in BC. Ha, I laughed and told her "anything's possible, I'm adopted and from BC".
We used to have a saying in our family about how Cancer can't be beaten. We said it because it was our hope that my adoptive father would die from his cancer. He was not a very nice man, to me or my kids.
Since then he has died and now I have had to educate myself on all kinds of health problems. Obviously Cancer can be beaten but it seems to like coming back..