Angry Adoptee

How irritated would you be if you were told that you were ‘in the fog’ because you’re ‘happy’? I get being angry about being adopted, but I don’t get being called ‘spoiled garbage’ because I finally came out of the second stage of the fog. I am finally aware of my husband and my children and my grandchildren and that I am ‘happy’ to have them in my life. Does this make me ‘spoiled garbage’? I can’t help acknowledging my happiness for the people and things that make me happy. If I have to hide my happiness just so other people don’t call me ‘spoiled garbage’ then I am obviously going backwards. I am going back to my depression.

There is no way in hell I would ever say adoption was a happy experience for me. I sure as hell was not happy that I was rejected by my Aunts, Uncles, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Mother and Father. Just by living with that reality will never give me a happy soul. Why should it? How could it?

Reading about anger only brings me down. Is that normal for everyone? Or does reading about anger make people happy? Why live with anger all of the time? Why question someone when they are in a happy place? Why try to bring someone down for how they feel. If you are afforded a moment to voice your anger then maybe you should reciprocate. It’s called give and take. I am now in a place that I can give more but I will only take so much. If it harms me, it harms my loved ones.

The other day my husband read my post and texted me right away to ask if Mary was having a bad day. I said “everyday is a bad day for Mary”. He understood. I don’t want everyday to suck but sometimes it is what it is. It is in my power to ‘move on’, no one else can force me to, but I believe once in awhile I need to be gently reminded. It is natural to need to be helped up once in awhile. When I read certain posts on social media I get the feeling that some people don’t want anyone to interfere in their anger. They want to wallow in it. I know there isn’t a guideline for venting but I also know it’s not right to say I’m ‘spoiled garbage’ because I’m happy. I wish my brain wouldn’t take negative things personally but as an adoptee it’s the first place I go. It’s what I know.