Adoptee Pain

I read tweets everyday and I get more insight into who I am and what I want out of life..I want to connect with my Aunt... The one that I think can shed more light on my health concerns...the one that knows it all... The one that seems curious about me. I think she should reach out to me while I'm still medicated. I think it would ease her mind... Thankfully I am more in control of myself than I ever have been... And I believe that I am worth getting to know... Not just from my blog... But in real life. I'm not sure what's holding her back... Maybe she's scared of who I once was... Scared of the person that started this blog. I can honestly say because of this blog I have been able to get a better grip on who i was supposed to be...I am the closest I have ever been to being me.

Having my Adoptive father pass on has brought more insight into who I truly am as well. I now understand what fantasy they lived in. They never understood me... They never tried to understand me... They never attached with my children... My children noticed... They were hurt. I cry for the pain my babies had to endure. All we can do is show them that we unconditionally love them... Just us though. Hopefully they can learn to love each other unconditionally... And hopefully one day they will have a significant other that they can feel that love with too. So far no luck on that hope.